“Opening the Heart: The Internal Revolution”
“We spend lifetimes – searching endless fields for a cave of gold that is hidden in our hearts.” -Rune Lazuli
A few weeks ago, I noticed an uncomfortableness surrounding me. It was the kind of dissonance that makes you want to not be alone, and distract via being social, texting, watching a movie and so on. I went and sat down at my yoga mat and allowed myself to begin feeling what I was working so hard to distract from. I could feel every cell in my body wanting me to move away from this lonely, dark feeling. Instead of getting up, I went deeper in.
After sitting still for a few minutes the tears arrived. Accompanied by the tears was a tight throat, heavy chest and an overall feeling of grief. I had no idea what it was stemming from—and didn’t need to. I just sat, being present with what was happening in that moment.
This process went on for a few hours, and fluctuated in intensity. This is what I had been resisting for a few weeks and now found myself in deep relationship with it. After a few hours, I found the grief and sadness had lifted, and my body felt clear. The uncom- fortable sensations had left and I felt light and exhausted
What a gift.
Just a few hours before life felt so painful and without end. I am writing about this experience, because I want to share my personal journey on my path of awakening—which both grow and deepen in my professional and personal life. Back in September, I embarked upon a Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training as a way to enhance my mindfulness and began blogging about experience, sharing insights and various aspects of awakening that grace me through my hard work and perseverance.
If you’re not familiar the Kundalini Yoga Teacher’s Training comes with the requirement of doing a “Sadhana” every day for 40 days. Sadhana means discipline and requires a deep commitment of doing a practice daily, regardless of how you feel. At the inception of this process, as I awoke, I would be greeted by a disgrun- tled mind and a lazy body. I decided to get up anyway. After a few weeks recognized that my mind and body began to surrender to my will, which strongly declared, “We do a morning practice.” I began to understand the importance of having a practice, and the need to discipline the body and mind in order to achieve more in- ner peace and an alliance within. After about 30 days, it began to feel like my will, body, and mind were a team and I didn’t have to fight as hard. I also grasped that doing this kind of deep process regularly was going to “shake things up” inside me and assist me in my process of opening my heart. Since my process a few weeks ago, I arrived at some powerful realizations on the path to opening the heart and becoming more awake. What I have discovered—and what continues to grow—is my understanding that all the work is within me. The true “work” is to learn how to calm and clear the mind so that we can drop into the body and listen. Once we are able to penetrate the mind and inhabit the body with awareness and presence, the body gets tuned, and the opening of the heart can begin. Inside the cultivated and open heart dwells the ability to:
• Stay open when anger is coming your way
• Extend love when we see a person we love being angry, in pain, etc.
• Pierce through the challenges of ego and not take things personally
• Find the well-spring of love that births from within and rises and flows without.
The opening of the heart comes with an array of gifts and challenges. We’ve all experienced heartache. What many of us have done is create protective layers, that cause us to build walls around “opening” when times are rough and painful. In fact, this opening of the heart requires an unwinding of that process of protection and instead beckons us to stay open when it hurts the most. Those times of great uncomfortableness and pain are teachers knocking on the doors of our consciousness and are wanting to be used as a catalyst to begin the great journey back to the heart. This is yoga.
A wise yoga teach once told me, “that coming to her classes was preparing us to the do that real work which happens outside the yoga room.”
The process of awakening and deepening is not all roses and joy. It comes with ups and downs, dips of deep sadness and peaks of great joy. And she was right, yoga has taught me: A great deepening in my relationship with my body and my heart to feel whatever arrives in my experience.
• I have come to appreciate those times of darkness as a way to be compassionate to myself and give presence to my process of unfolding
• As I become more accepting of myself and process I can allow myself to be more compassionate to others
• I can better allow other to be more loving and compassionate to me
• To cultivate the courage and fortitude to face these uncomfort- able times in my life in a new, open way
It is in vain of finding inner peace and love that I have begun this journey and write to you today. In addition, I will also be creating a “mymindfultherapy” youtube channel so that I can share personally my discoveries and challenges along this path.
We are all looking for inner peace and there are many paths that direct us to attain it. There are no right or wrong paths, and my only desire is to motivate you to find one and walk it for awhile so that you too many experience a new presence within the ups and downs of life.